Recently I've come to the realization
that I've been living in the wrong body. I've always felt like ten years ahead my time. Since I was a child, I have
always feel out of place being with my peers. Like I know something they don't know, or i've been burdened with something
they don't have to carry.
I have a memory of when i was around eight or nine years
old. My friend and I were both drinking soda from an alluminum can and were walking down our gravel road. My friend had finished
her soda and threw it in the ditch. I was in disbelief! Why would she do something like that? It was just as simple to put
it in the recycling bin, rather than let it sit in the earth for hundreds of years before decomposing. I had expressed to
her the way i felt and she laughed. I ended up climbing into the muddy ditch, infested with weeds and thorns to pick out the
can.
I remember when I was in the 6th grade, I was unhealthily paranoid about Global Warming.
I would get sick being in the city. When I saw smog or car exhaust it disgusted me and depresesed me. I was afraid that I
wouldn't make it to the 7th grade, because Bush had been elected and he was going to destroy the earth in a year. I know
now that things like that were a bit exagerrated. They couldn't happen quite as fast as that, although it seems to be
unfolding rather fast right before our eyes.
I was ridiculed when I was younger for eating
wheat bread and sprouts for lunch. I was embarrased at first and would only eat half of my sandwich as fast as possible, or
the "normal" looking things my mom would pack for my lunch, so I didn't have to sit through the embarrasment.
I would eat the rest of my lunch on the way home on the bus, alone in my seat in the front row, away from anyone's critical
eye. Or, if I didnt have the chance, I would throw my lunch in the compost pile at home, full of guilt, but relief.
I am the way I am today because my mother and father instilled these things in me from the minute I was born. Like all children,
I rebelled against it. I craved those cupcakes they were handing out at snack time. But ate my fruit leather instead. Just
once, I wanted to try the homogenized, unorganic cows milk. But drank my organic juice instead. If I did give into temptation,
I could hear my mom in the back of my mind. And I knew what I was doing, was wrong. As I grew older, the kids at school began
to accept my food. And so did I. It seemed the more confident I was in myself and who I was, the less people picked on me
and pointed out our differences. I began to see the effects the better food had on my body. If I ate a burrito from Taco Bell
and compared it to a burrito my mom made for my lunch, my body felt emmensly better after the latter. I began to care less
and less what people thought of me and my food. And by my senior year, I was writing essays on why hydrogenated oils are harmful
to your body and why recylcing should be mandatory in the U.S.
I see now, my morals have
not changed one bit. I eat in my tiny dormroom as much as possible, so I may enjoy a premade frozen burrito made from my mom's
organic kitchen of love, rather than tasteless white lettuce from "Fresh Ideas" cafeteria. I attend peace meetings,
and try as hard as I can to get people I know interested into politics and the enivronment. I recycle as much as is possible
on a campus that has no recycling resources. I have a pile of cardboard, plastic and glass taking over a whole corner of my
room. If it weren't for the smell issue, i would have a compost container as well. I play music at any chance to let people
know my values and hope to pass them on.
It's hard for me to see apathetic people.
Just like my friend who didn't see the bigger picture when it came to the aluminum can, I don't see how people can
sit back and let things happen with out seeing how it doesn't effect their future. How can you not see the bigger picture
when United States and Iraqi Soldiers are dying each day in Iraq, polar ice caps are melting, it's snowing in California,
Wal-Mart is taking over our country, and technology is replacing human contact! Yet the majority of college students I'm
around are too afraid to speak their mind or too lazy to get up and do something about it.
What happened to protesting?
What happened to opinions? What happened to this country? Why am I reaping the seeds that were sown before my time? Is it
fair that I have to live though this while my parents were a part of something important, with people who cared about what
was happening to their country? What more can I do to get people to care?
I won't
let my future be dictated by someone else. I will sculpt it and mold it into my own. I will not be apathetic, I will not let
other people tell me my dreams are unrealistic, I WILL NOT back down. Our bodies are sacred and this country is beautiful
and I will work hard to remind people of this each and every day until they see the light.
